THE COLOR OF MY SKIN
What does it mean to be an Asian American? I wrote about this months back, about how I felt that I was losing touch with my identity. Though this isn't the topic that I'm intending to convene, I feel the need to express how I will never lose touch with my identity, but more so in a way that it is almost a burden. Because this is the way I was born and the culture that I was brought up with, I will forever be identified or associated with others who share the same race as I. I am titling this post "The Color of My Skin" because "color" does not necessarily have to associate with whether you're black or white, but it also is defined by the aesthetics of your race.
I'm neither black nor white, but the shape of my eyes, the color of my hair and the curve of my nose can easily give away my Asian colors. I want to feel proud of the skin that I'm in, but it's difficult to accept that sometimes when the stereotypes of my race becomes a joke. No matter how fluent in English some of us may be, our accents can make our tone come off as obnoxious and rude. When I watched the video of the man on Fox News do his take on what Chinese people think of the upcoming presidential election, I was not only angered, but I was upset at how my culture is so misunderstood. People make racist jokes about other people all the time, but when it comes to the remarks against the Asian race, it's hard not to take it to offense. I feel that perhaps our society is just not knowledgeable enough about our culture to make the necessary comments, or to at least portray us in both a hysterical yet respectable way.
You rarely come across many Asian Hollywood stars, especially ones who play leading roles in American films. I appreciate shows like Fresh Off the Boat and Dr. Ken because it informs people that we own our stereotypes by throwing casual racism against the Asian American culture. However, these shows portray the most filtered and Americanized form of the Asian culture that it doesn't necessarily educate viewers on our lifestyle. The grandma in Fresh Off the Boat speaks such proper Mandarin, obviously to show the generation gap between her's and the rest of her family's. Her minimal role just shows her speaking Chinese while in a wheel chair and nothing much more. But of course, why would we want to display the actual stereotypes of Asians on TV? While this show is supposed to be taking place in the 1990s, it doesn't really portray the struggles of being an Asian minority family. This is why I feel that our society is just not as educated about our culture as they are with others. Our genuine traits seem to be overshadowed by dry comedy in order to entice the viewers of American television.
Another reason why I feel that I have difficulty being comfortable in the color of my own skin is because of sexuality. As blatant as I can be, when it comes to the topic of Asian women, many people see our gendered race as sex objects. Is it because we are said to be submissive? Is it because we are said to be silent and often do as we're told? What about our "tight" and petite body parts? Of course, every race of women have their own stereotype and we cannot stop men from behaving like the way they do. However, the derogatory labels that define Asian women are not things that I want to embrace.
On the other hand, Asian women are respected in many ways because of our beauty and nature. Many artists admire the aesthetics of our culture that they even get it tattooed on their bodies. My goal is to see beyond the negativity in the portrayal of my race and to finally embrace the great qualities of being an Asian American. No matter how misunderstood we are, I want to be able to educate others on how the generations of my culture are slowly evolving. We can't stop our parents and grandparents from embarrassing us in public while they wear their sun hats and wheel five large bags of recycled water bottles. What we can do is educate our offspring and future generations - teach them how and what it's like to be an Asian American. This is one of my struggles with self identity that I hope to overcome as I get older.